Dark side of Tiva
by TellyandTanz
Summary: the side of Tiva you don't want to see, anything goes in this fic and we do mean anything. abit of Slash in it too.
1. Chapter 1

The Dark Side of Tiva

Plot: the side of Tiva you don't want to see, telly and myself got bored one night on twitter.

Parings: just about anything

Warnings: Mpreg and just about everything it's a crack fic, out of charactor

Note: this and the big brother fics have been moved so now both Telly and I can update the fics,

PART ONE

Bored out of her mind one night after work Ziva walked into a random bar on a Georgetown street, looking to escape the stress of the day's case and blow off a little steam. Before she even got the chance to order a drink the ex-Mossad assassin noticed an older, white haired man sitting at the bar to her right, something about the man caught her eye and when he signalled for her to come over she didn't even hesitate"What you drinking?" the mystery man asked, his voice eluding class and a good upbringing.

"what ever your drinking" she replied with a seductive wink.

About an hour or so later the couple, who were past tipsy and now borderline drunk, casually walked back to the strangers place which, by chance, was just next door.

After watching a dvd copy of Forrest Hump; which he had claimed was free in the mail but he had really been found in a bin outside, and a season of hot and heavy lovemaking, Ziva asked her new boyfriend, or whatever the hell this nameless guy was to her now, to marry her. There was no doubt in his mind and immediately he said yes.

The man must have been very well off because the next thing the Isreali knew they had hopped onto her fiancé's private plane and were flying to across the country to Las Vegas.

They were married in a themed chapel just off of the Strip by some ramdom guy, who may or may not have been a male at birth. The alcohol continued to flow after they exchanged rings from a gumball machine and continued to get even more drunk, passing out in the motel room.

Two days later, when their hangovers were at last gone, they flew back to DC. They hopped a cab from the airport and went back to his place to get their cars, planning their drive to NCIS to share their news. Parking in the car park they looked at each other one last time before exiting the vehicle "I can't wait to tell them about us" Ziva told her new husband, not even bothered by the fact she didn't know his name or a single thing about him, 'oh well' she thought to herself 'no turning back now'.

Exiting the elevatior and walking into the bullpen Ziva called out to her team showing off her mystery husband. The team all looked up at the couple and. …

"Oh. My. God!" was the only sound heard and it seemed to echo in the silence.

"Junior?"

"DAD?" Yelled Tony his face turning a bright shade of red

"Son, I would like you to meet your new mother!" the senior DiNozzo put his arms around Ziva and pulled her into a passionate, and slightly x-rated, kiss.

Meanwhile McGee was trying hard not to piss himself from laughing to hard, he could not believe the events unfolding in front of him and desperately wished he had his cell phone on him to video the whole thing.

While he was still trying to contain his amusement he heard a loud crash beside him, it seemed as though Tony had passed out his last though being 'SHIT! Did Ziva and my father really get married?'.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Warning: some slash in this part. And some crazy images.

The Dark side of Tiva part 2

While still out cold after collapsing from the shocking revelation Ziva and his father had just announced Tony had been carried down to Autopsy by Gibbs, who upon hearing McGee's girly scream had come out of MTAC to find his lover passed out, bleeding from a wound in his head, and had been laid out on one of those cold metal tables which Ducky used to cut open the dead; and occasionally a poodle, goldfish and more recently Jimmy performing an autopsy on a squirrel. It looked as though it had been cleaned before they put unconscious agent on it but with Palmer doing the cleaning one could never be to sure. 'Oh well' Gibbs thought to himself he knew that Tony didn't know and no one was sure as hell going to tell him.

"Where is Ducky?" yelled Gibbs very worried about his boy or lover whatever they called it these days.

No one knew about their secret love affair, only Fornell who, poor guy, had accidently walked in on them one night while in the throes of passion, Tony tied to the frame of Gibbs' boat and the older man whipping him wearing nothing but tight leather crotchless and buttless chaps. The horrified FBI agent was now locked up in the mental institution ranting about DiNutzo and that bastard liking it rough, and no one bothered to listen to him, who would believe the guy who had supposedly hung himself in a jail cell over the tight ass ex-Marine Gunnery Sergeant Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

After Fornell's institutionalization, Sacks had been promoted to boss of the FBI. However after an undercover op at a strip club the FBI agent had disappeared. No one knew exactly what had happened but rumors were floating around the Hoover building that he had been offered a better pay deal with the club and so he left the FBI to follow his dream of becoming a stripper. He's never been seen again. Except on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays dancing the pole at Pinky's Pleasure Palace.

"He had to fly out to the LA team, Agent Gibbs" Jimmy told the silver fox as he walked up to the table examining the awfully pale agent, who even though was still out of it, had a terrified look on his face. "They needed some help with a body or something… I don't know… he started off on one of his stories and I wasn't really listening at the time…"

Gibbs just gave Jimmy one of his patented looks and Jimmy squeaked in fear and went about fixing Tony's head stitching up the cut on it while they waited for Tony to wake up. About 3 seconds after the last stitch Tony came to, screaming like a banshee, looking around to see Gibbs, Jimmy and McGee, who for some reason was wearing new pants, 'I don't want to know.' he thought amidst his own screams, all looking at him like he was Linda Blair in the Exorcist… well the first one at least the rest just sucked. DiNozzo Sr and Ziva were no where to be seen and poor Abby was in her lab and had yet to hear the news.

Meanwhile Ziva had finished showing off her husband and telling everyone in the bullpen that she was now a DiNozzo and that there were now two Agent DiNozzo's in NCIS son and step mother, who was, in actual fact younger then her new son.

Walking into Abby's lab Ziva couldn't wait to see her best friend and share the good news.

"Abby, meet my new husband Anthony DiNozzo Sr!"

After some yelling, crying and laughing, the laughing was on Ziva's part, the screaming and yelling (as well as a pretty nasty bitch slap) came from Abby, Ziva told Abby the news about Tony passing out like a little girl, even though he had sworn time and time again that DiNozzo's do not pass out. The Goth ran out in tears all the way the way down to autopsy. Only to come face to face with Gibbs carrying her Tony boy in his arms, much like he would a new bride. The blue eyed man simply stating that he didn't want Tony walking around because of the head injury he had just received.

After realising that the Goth was not coming back to the lab and having shown her man off to every one in the building, including creepy Carl the mail guy, Ziva left with Anthony Senior to move her stuff into his house so she could be with him.

In a freak accident while they got dinner ready Ziva and her white haired minx accidentally ended up burning down the house, all because they were busy doing the horizontal mambo on the coffee table in the living room. Needing a place to stay, and urgently as they were still on their honeymoon, they rang up a still screaming Tony on his cell phone telling him that they were coming over and his father and new mummy were moving in. It didn't matter to them that he had been living with Gibbs in the boss' home since returning to DC from being Agent Afloat. Unbeknownst to Tony and even the usually all knowing Gibbs, Ziva had already known about their relationship as she was the only one that listened to Fornell, but only cause she was nosey and need to know all the info about her co workers, and had a plan to blackmail the two into doing all her paper work and letting her drive ALL the time.

It was a Team Gibbs first, everyone on the team was currently dating someone.

McGee was with Abby, after making up, and making out, in a coffin that may or may not have once held a real live dead body in it, but no one really cared about that as it was old news.

Jimmy was chatting with a chick who me meet over the internet, there's a betting pool going around at NCIS that it's either a dude or some crazy chick that lives in the same hospital as Fornell. The pot sits currently at five and a half thousand dollars for the winner.

And Ducky was dating Hetty from the LA team, finally finding someone who was the right height (and actually smaller) for him, hence his mad dashes across the United States every time his 'old fellow' decided to pop up. Though if anyone asked he was helping the team out.

Once at Gibbs' place Ziva and the man she lovingly, and creepily, referred to as Senior, walked into the house as Gibbs never locked the doors and made themselves at home, not even bothering to announce their presence. Walking down the steps a finally calmed Tony, with an exhausted and furious looking Gibbs by his side, took one look at his parents, who were in the process of nuding up on his favourite leather couch, and freaked out, bolting back out of the room and up the stairs once again screaming. Gibbs just gave them his glare of death and followed his lover boy back upstairs to try to clam him down… again.

Some days later Ziva walked down the stairs, they were still living with the boss and had no immediate plans to move out, and she found her husband playing sing star on the PS3 in his torn tighty-whiteys. Ziva turned off the PS3 and ordered Gibbs and Tony into the living room.

Once they were all seated she stood in front of the three of them and couldn't wipe the smirk off of her face "I got some news" she said "I'm having a baby!"


	3. Chapter 3

Warnings are the same as part 2, also the start of Mpreg.

The Dark side to Tiva part 3

Tony was both unnaturally excited and slightly scared about the fact that his work partner Ziva was currently carrying his unborn brother or sister. The excitement was completely taken over by the fear though when he looked over and saw his father still there in nothing but his torn underwear, the whiteness of the old man's skin, not to mention the bulging beer gut the old man had acquired, almost blinded him and the thought that in about twenty years time he himself would look like the senior DiNozzo didn't help. Once again he started to cry.

Everyone at NCIS and Gibbs' nosey neighbours were wondering why Ziva and Anthony Senior were still living with Jethro and his lover. The party line was that the new couple wanted to spend some quality time with their son who was currently having a few mental health problems (wouldn't you if you had to deal with an assassin and an ugly old dude in his underwear as parents?). Truth be told though Anthony DiNozzo Senior had more ex wives than the bossman himself and when you added them all up that was a HELL of a lot of alimony to pay every month! Also there was the minor fact that the private jet had lost a wing when Ziva was landing it on their return from Las Vegas. Airport security and the insurance agency were hard pressed finding out the truth about that incident… even if the video did somehow make it to you tube, where it was a featured video for a month with over a billion views.

Gibbs was hugging Tony trying to clam him down while eagerly, and oddly erotically, petting the brunettes soft hair.

Meanwhile senior found some pants and struggled to put them on over his massive ass. He didn't realize that they were Ziva's tight red leather leggings that she had lost the third night they were there, just before the two of them had made love on Gibbs' coffee table and snapping the whole thing in half, and that happened days ago.

Daddy DiNozzo turned to see his son looking very pale and as if he was going to be sick or something equally as bad at any given moment and he gave his first offspring a menacing laugh. "Oh well" the once rich man said he didn't really give a shit about his son. However he did find it awfully fan to mess with his boy's mind, a pleasure which he had taken part in since Tony was old enough to hold his head up by himself.

Senior dismissed everyone else in the room and went back to the Ps3, turning it back on and started to sing his favourite song in the world…..

"I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world, made of…" the accompanying dance routine was enough to give even the hardest of marines nightmares.

"MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! OH DEAR LORD PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!" Tony screamed over and over and ran up to his and Gibbs love nest, which was their bedroom and basically the only room in the house not taken over by the other DiNozzos. Gibbs was hot on his tail.

Ziva was busy with plans to redo the house in preparation for their future arrival, even though technically it was not her's to redecorate. Looking over at the love of her life, her husband, who was singing Barbie Girl for the second time in a row, now jumping up and down in his torn underwear stopping at random intervals and lulls in the song to pile the underwear back up, the crazy ninja chick couldn't help but be turned on. Pushing her man to the ground forcefully and mounting him with much pleasure she began gyrate her hips in time to the 90's bubblegum pop song.

Back at NCIS headquarters Abby was busy making a dartboard with the wedding photo of ziva and sr on it, a photo which she had gotten off of the cheesy wedding chapel's website. When Vance walked in wondering why he had just been told that there had been a lot of screaming and hollering going on the earlier in the week, the news coming courtesy of random agent who had been trying to suck up to Vance for a promotion. The director knew that Abby was the one to go to for office gossip but was slightly concerned she wouldn't spill anything if it happened to relate to Agent Gibbs or his team.

Looking at the board beside him as he barely dodges a flying dart and then directing his gaze back to Abby Leon had a feeling he was going to regret his simple and rhetoric question "Do I even want to know?" Abby just looked at Vance and made a evil laugh and said nothing, throwing more darts and the occasional spit ball at the photo of the happy couple.

While Abby was planning all sorts of revenge, when Vance left the Goth was muttering something about breaking out Mikel Mauer and playing with voodoo dolls, Jimmy was still trying to talk his online date into meeting him at a bar, much to the autopsy gremlin's disappointment but she kept on saying that she was not ready yet to take the next step in their relationship.

McGee was busy doing who knows what in god knows which online rpg realm, and honestly no one was really interested in what the McGeek had going on in his life... Well except for Abby but she had pretty much forgotten him in her quest for vengeance.

Ducky had sent an e-mail to Jimmy saying that he was still needed out in LA because Sam, one of the idiot agents on the west coast team, had gotten shocked by the big touch TV thing and Ducky had to be there to make sure Sam lived to see another day, but in reality Ducky wanted more time with Hetty, he had opened a spam email earlier in the week and the little blue pills he had ordered were working a treat.

Back at Gibbs house Ziva and Sr were now playing some x-rated game she had found in a book lying under the tool bench in the basement, a bizarre game which also had to be played with a toy car and an apple.

Tony and Gibbs were up in their love nest doing something equally as nasty from Tony's hundredth copy of the Karma Sutra. Gibbs was trying desperately to keep Tony's mind off his parents and the kinky shit which they could hear going on downstairs.

It wasn't until some days later that Tony was looking for his husband with gigantic news.

Tony hadn't wanted to be a DiNozzo anymore, especially not after the fourth time of walking in and seeing his parents going at it like rabbits, so he had proposed to Jethro and made the silver haired foxy devil marry him, in a service that was preformed by McGee, who in between games on World of Warcraft had stumbled upon a site and became ordained. Anthony D. DiNozzo Jr. was now Anthony Gibbs.

As he walked past his parents kissing and fooling around on the kitchen table Tony had tried to cover up his eyes to avoid the sickening sight… that was until he walked into a door and was forced to open them again. He walked out of the kitchen physically unharmed but mentally scarred for life, it was actually a surprise he hadn't joined Fornell in the looney bin yet.

Going down the steps of the basement and seeing his husband working on the boat in a sweat soaked NIS T-shirt he couldn't stop the smile spreading across his face. To excited to hold the news in any longer the younger man practically shouted "We're going to be parents!"


	4. Chapter 4

**This part was the work of Telly cause Tanz could not get any good ideas, all credit goes to you girl. Thanks for writing it. **

Part 4

The idea of becoming a father again made Gibbs abit worried, he didn't want any kid of his traumatised by the nightmare that was Tony's parents, especially if they were still going to be going at it like it was the end of the world. He had told Tony that the next day he was going to go out and buy new heavy duty, unpickable locks for the house and that they would need to call up Abby to help with a plan to get the DiNozzos out.

Gibbs looked over at Tony who had begun to turn a sickly shade of green due to morning sickness that came with being pregnant pulling the younger man into a hug he softly whispered "It's time to take back what's ours Bubble Butt and we are going to need to call in the cavalry!'. While still hugging Tony he leant over and picked up the phone, dialling a familiar yet oddly long phone number.

Tony was going to have a hell of a lot of fun of telling the 28 or so year old Ziva that she would soon become a grandmother, especially around the same time she was to become a mother, 'pay backs a bitch David and you are going DOWN!' Gibbs looked at his husband worriedly as Tony began to laugh maniacally.

Gibbs was trying with everything he had to get the DiNozzo's out of his house but they kept blackmailing him by saying the baby will be hurt and that now kid should have to grow up on the streets. They both knew Gibbs' weakness when it came to kids, and they weren't afraid to play dirty with it to get what they wanted.

Upstairs Senior was trying to get a big wooden splinter that was sticking out of his ass cheek after him and Ziva broke yet another of Gibbs' hand made tables, this time though it was thick redwood kitchen table. It didn't seem to be working with his beer gut getting in the way making him unable to reach the thing. Ziva, being in town buying things for the Gibbs house, had no clue her husband was in such dire straits. Daddy DiNozzo tried calling out to the other men in the house for help but neither of them gave a shit enough to check on him. They were down in the basement when Tony and Gibbs heard the cries for help but they just thought it was the TV left on upstairs.

While in one of the bathroom stalls at the mall received a text from her incredibly hot husband, a thought which was hers and hers alone, no one on the face of the universe would have agreed with her on that point, especially not Senior DiNozzo's numerous ex-wives. Before she could open the message to see what he wanted she clumsily dropped it into the toilet bowl, and while she was prepared to do many things, including punching a hole into a man's chest and ripping out his heart, this was not one of them… especially when the thought of doing so brought on a bout of morning sickness and the cell was covered in technicolour vomit.

Things were just as crazy for the rest of team Gibbs. Abby was watching McGee play some medieval RPG game, not because she cared if he won or lost but she thought it was a perfect way to get more ideas of ways to take out the DiNozzos, she was, after all Tony's bestman or make that bestwoman and she took the role VERY seriously… in fact maybe she took it a bit too seriously if the way her eyes lit up as she watched the probie behead an orc was anything to go by.

Ducky was thinking about moving out to LA permanently to be with his lovely Hetty and making Jimmy the head ME for NCIS. He wasn't a young man anymore and he needed to get in as much sex as he could before he broke a hip.

Jimmy was trying to look up info on his cyberspace babe, but he came across nothing except for a suspicious website about Area 51, the most of the writing on it was mysteriously blocked out.

Back at the house that Gibbs could no longer call his own, a rumbling and a monstrous roar began seemingly out of nowhere. Thinking it was an earthquake Jethro and Tony bolted up the basement stairs and stood in the doorway bracing themselves for a collapse and Daddy DiNozzo, who was still trying to get that damn splinter out of his ass, tumbled head first down the stairs as the ground shook. As suddenly as it had started both the roar and the rumbling stopped. As the front door flew open with a powerful kick and older man stormed in "Probie, you better have a damn good reason for waking me up in the middle of a siesta!".


	5. Chapter 5

Part 5

Franks was a bit freaked out after the effects of his overly dramatic entrance had died and saw Tony and Gibbs a little bit more than just hugging under the door way where they had taken up safety. However when Gibbs had led Franks to the lounge and explained the whole sordid situation, from the night Tony and Gibbs got married to the second before the retired agent had burst through the door, Mike was even more freaked but when he thought about it everything seemed to make sense (and that was the moment he swore to give up alcohol). Gibbs, Tony and Franks sat down and drew up their plan of attack to get the DiNozzo's out before both Ziva and Tony gave birth.

While the other men were discussing tactics Senior was writhing on the floor in even more pain due to the fact that that bit of wood which had been protruding our of the pale mound of flesh that was a massive backside was now completely embedded in his ass from the fall down the steps the 80 year old man started to cry and scream for help.

Ziva was now on her way home, her Mossad spidey senses were tingling and she just knew that her husband needed her home, though at the time she had thought he just wanted a bit of good ol' fashioned loving. While she was buying new furniture and clothes for her unborn devil spawn foetus, she had picked up a cell phone which she was trying desperately to learn how to use the damn thing but it appeared too high tech for her mental capabilities, she was almost certain though that she could blackmail someone into showing her, that someone being McGee.

The plan to rid the Gibbs' residence of the DiNozzo's had come together nicely and was now in works all they needed was Ziva. Seeing her come home Tony had run out yelling that something had happened to his dad and she needed to take him to the hospital straight away, that she didn't have much time. Tony was NCIS' best undercover agent for a reason, he acted so flawlessly that his partner didn't doubt for a second that he cared about the old man.

Ziva picked up her husband and threw the still pained man over her shoulder fireman style and hurrying him out into the car, a car that was now missing a door that had been there when she had left, and drove to the hospital faster and more dangerously than she had ever driven before, and that was saying something.

Getting to work Gibbs and Mike attached the new locks to every window and door in the house and they put up a new gate in record time. This was no ordinary gate, it was an electrified on that shocked anyone that came in to contact with it. No one was going to hurt his family Gibbs was thought to himself as he tested the gate by throwing a dead squirrel at, it sizzled and burst into flames eventually dropping to the ground in a smouldering heap. Tony tried to help out but Gibbs had flatly refused stating that he didn't want him to get hurt or to strain himself, And knowing Tony's luck that was more than likely to happen. Sighing in defeat Tony sat down on the sofa and put in a Dark Angel dvd, it was a well known fact he (and secretly Gibbs as well) had a crush on Logan... God those glasses, mussed up hair and facial scruff really got him hot.

Some hours later Ziva and Senior returned home from the emergency room only to have senior shocked when trying to open the gate, it was hilarious to see the drugged up man get thrown back onto his already painful ass and scream his head off. To the right of where the old man hand landed was their belongings in a box, most of which were really just x-rated toys that they had had with them, attached was a note telling them find their own place and in big red writing was an announcement that they were going to be grandparents.

Unknown to the others, especially Ziva, Tony had set up a spy cam out the front of the house, hidden in the letterbox, when Gibbs and Mike were not looking, he had big, big plans to put the footage of the couple's reactions youtube. The look on Zivas face was a cross between that of a horror movie victim and the look that Fornell had the day he had walked in on Tony and Gibbs getting busy in the basement.


	6. Chapter 6

Part 6

It was kind of unnerving that for once in the history of Team Gibbs every single member, from Gibbs himself right down to lowly Jimmy Palmer, was more or less happy with their lives.

Ducky and Hetty were house hunting out in LA, he had plans to ask her to marry him, it was about time he settled down with a living person instead of talking to himself and the dead all day.

Jimmy was happy because that night was the night he was finally getting to meet his mystery chat lover, or whatever the hell they called that sort of thing. He was wearing a blue shirt so the lady, he was pretty sure by now it was definitely a lady, would be able to find him in the crowded bar. As he sat there, sipping on his very manly appletini, a lady walked up to him wearing an ornate mask, when she introduced herself as Nikki she didn't accept the hand that jimmy held out in greeting. By a rare fluke it just so happened that the particular bar the date was taking place was the same bar Ziva got drunk and did a pole dance the night she became a field agent.

Gibbs was a very happy man, which for him did not happen a lot. Mike was saying goodbye to Gibbs and Tony and preparing to go back to his daughter in law and granddaughter in Mexico. Tony took just a small amount of time to say thanks and straight away turned back to watch Logan Cale in some incredibly hot black underwear. Gibbs took a bit more time and walked Franks to the door, telling his mentor that he was welcome back anytime.

Abby was ecstatic with the outcome of the DiNozzo situation, and it didn't help any that she had had more than 20 Caf Pows! that day. McGee was also happy because now that Abby's vendetta was over she had more time to spend with him making sweet and nerdy geek love.

Ziva, while fuming about being kicked out of the house she had made a home, had forced the people who had moved into her old place to give old place back for her, Senior and the baby, there was a good chance that some of the things she had threatened the elderly couple with were illegal in most parts of the world but Ziva never was one to give a shit about other people.

It was days later that Jimmy and Nikki told everyone about their relationship, a relationship that had been completely sexless due to neat freak Nikki's germ phobia. Also the thought of making love to a man that dealt with dead people by choice was just plan creepy, if Palmer didn't look so much like Nikki's favourite fictional character Harry Potter than there would be no way in hell that she would touch him with a ten foot pole.

As for the winner of the office pool the money all went to Creepy Carl who had a habit, and secret talent, for hacking into agents computers to sell NCIS secrets to the enemy and by chance had come across the saved chats between the couple on Jardine's computer.

Despite being out of Gibbs' house for a few days Senior phoned his son in law to see if they knew where his Barbie girl CD and lucky pair of torn underwear were. The underwear held a special place in the older man's heart as they were the same pair he was wearing the day he meet Harry, Tony's birth father, and even after all these years he hadn't washed them once since that night. Among all his ex-wives Senior also had some ex husbands, they all denied ever knowing Anthony DiNozzo sr. (wonder why) but they were there none the less. Tony, who had taken the phone from his husband, told his sperm donor father that he had no idea where the CD was and that they had packed the disgusting underwear in the box with the rest of Ziva and Senior's freaky belongings. In reality Tony was using they now heavily scratched CD as the new coaster for his drinks... And occasional Frisbee.

They had to give Senior some credit though, he did fall on his head quite hard when he fell down the steps, the doctor had told them something about amnesia and he tended to forget things at times.

About nine months later as Ziva's due date rolled around Eli David flew into DC wanting to be there for the birth of, what he thought was, his first grandchild, not aware that the man who had killed one of his best Mossad agents and made him look like a fool was also now technically his grand kid.

Eli David also had some news of his own he had to share with the family, he had gotten married to a stunningly beautiful and extremely young American woman, want a hint? She's a doctor and well…

….

Got any ideas for baby names?


	7. Chapter 7

Note: credit for this part goes to Telly.

Part 7

Tony was cleaning his and Gibbs house after getting rid of the DiNozzo, his nesting phase had come early but his parents had created such a mess that there was a years worth of work. Tony being Tony though, his sneaky DiNozzo genes not disappearing when he changed his last name, he decided it was a good training exercise and blackmailed the new lot of Probies from work into doing the majority, his reasoning was that it was the perfect opportunity to show them what working a crime scene was like.

Eli and his new wife had gotten a call from Senior telling them that they were now grandparents, Ziva had given birth to a 13 pound baby girl which they had lovingly named after the drink they got drunk on the night Ziva fell pregnant.

Abby and McGee had gotten into some seriously kinky shit, even for Abby, since Abby's vendetta against the DiNozzo's had been halted. Most nights, and mornings and afternoons, they were busy doing something XXX-rated, one incident led to the cops being called in.

Eli and his lady walked into the hospital after getting lost and ending up at a vet, who oddly enough was with a dog named Ziva who was having pups. When they finally found the right hospital they walked into Ziva's room to find mother and daughter looking happy and some old guy standing in the corner of the room, in nothing but torn underwear, watching the birds outside.

Looking up at her father and "Jeanne?" Ziva was, to say the least, mortified that her partner and stepson's ex girlfriend was standing there hand in hand wearing matching rings. The new mother was so shocked in fact that she dropped the precious bundle in her arms and watched as the baby girl fell to the floor, bouncing once and landing in Jeanne's waiting arms.

Doing some crazy ass ninja moves Ziva did a triple back flip off of the bed and landed on top of Jeanne, legs wrapped around the doctors neck and turning her face blue. The baby went flying across the room landing on Daddy DiNozzo's head.

"Bitch stay away from my father you scum sucking whore! I will not let you ruin him like you did my son! I may not like the snivelling swine but he is family! Also never touch my baby again!"

Eli look shocked and tried to pry his daughter's thighs off of his wife's neck. Senior on the other hand stood across the room, baby still on his head and still in his underwear, growing large and cheering on his wife "THANK YOU GOD! THIS IS THE HOTTEST THING EVER! TAKE OF YOUR CLOTHES!" The pasty white tub of lard man didn't care which of the two woman took of their clothes just as long as someone got naked! Actually he would prefer it if all three, Ziva, Jeanne AND Eli all got naked and continued wrestling. That thought excited him greatly and he shook the baby off of his head and onto the bed, ripped off his underwear and belly flopped into the pile of family. God he loved his life!

In less disturbing news Ducky had a date planned for the wedding, and with his wife to be, was flying to DC for a white wedding, white being snow though Hetty was walking down the aisle to the Billy Idol song of the same name (and in a dress reminiscent to the one from the video), they were also bringing the LA team to DC the nuptials. While they were flying over Texas Ducky asked his lady if she had ever joined the mile high club, her reply was to whisper in his ear "Everything is bigger in Texas" and she led him to the small toilet.

It wasn't much long after Ziva gave birth that Tony and Gibbs were rushing to the hospital, the baby was coming, calling their support team, which consisted of Abby and McGee, on the way there. At the hospital Dr Brad Pitt was waiting for them and the lesser of the worlds two Brad Pitts was not very happy cause he had a crush on Tony, though his name did often come in handy when reserving tables at restaurants.

They hadn't been at the hospital long, though it seemed like a lifetime for both Tony who was currently pushing a baby out of… wait where the hell do males push baby's out of? Coz this co-pilot can only think of two possible places and neither sound very comfortable…. Well wherever they come from and Gibbs because Tony had broken every single bone in his left hand, as well as his nose after head butting his partner for getting him knocked up in the first place, when Abby and McGee ran into the room. Seeing the baby coming out of Tony's wherever place, McGee passed out and slipped on the afterbirth, which is how McGee and Abby ended up getting banned from Bethesda later that night… Let's just say that Abby found some exciting new sex toys in one of the hospital's closets.

While McGee was seeing little cartoon birdies floating above his head, Tony was screaming for drugs and not just any drugs but the drugs he had the time his fingers were finging. He couldn't remember much of that day but they must have been some good drugs, and he needed the good stuff seeing as he was pushing out a Gibblet the size of a watermelon.

Some time later McGee came too looking at the others, his head wrapped up in a million bandages and Abby bouncing around chugging Caf-Pows in victory of the birth.

"McGeek, we would like you to meet Stevie, Rory and Riley" an exhausted and now deflated (physically, the Italian now looked like a balloon after it had been let go flying around the room, or a tube of toothpaste that had its insides squeezed out) Tony said as Gibbs sat behind him on the bed.

"Triplets!!" Abby cried out shoving all three babies into her boyfriends face, causing him to faint again.


	8. Chapter 8

Notes: **Welcome to the Twilight Zone.**

**Part 8**

While the DiNozzo's and David's were taking part in there all-in brawl, or in Senior's case, was trying to turn it into an incestuous foursome, a loud popping sound was heard. Senior had sat on Jeanne's head crushing and flattening her pretty little head killing her, but not instantly, like a some chickens she lived for a few minutes afterwards, arms and legs thrashing around everywhere. Such a sight made the other's stop and stare. After their shock had worn off Ziva began to clean Senior's ass from Jeanne's brain matter and blood and that is when they heard another sound coming from the bed. Looking over they saw there right in front of their eyes was their sweet newborn daughter gnawing on Eli's foot, the only part that was left of the director of Mossad.

The DiNozzo's currently had conflicting emotions, Senior was sad because he had been planning on conning Jeanne and Eli into a foursome with him and Ziva and the Israeli was happy because she was now filthy stinking' rich, her being the only kid alive in her family and all (another reason why she killed her older half brother Ari in Gibbs' basement).

Ducky and Hetti on the other hand had left to go on their honeymoon, they were headed to a mysterious remote island that involved them being blindfolded and needing a map to get to, yeah don't ask it was Ducky's idea and if you wanted an explanation that would involve one of Ducky's longwinded stories, and this story went on as long as James Cameron's Titanic and Avatar put together! That left the LA team to find their own way back to the city of angels.

Tony and Gibbs had just come home from the hospital and watched as their new babies slept. If Ziva's daughter, who was Tony's sister, was the devil reborn, then the three new Gibblet babies were pure angels. Both men stood watching their babies sleep for an hour before turning in for the night, or at least until the babies were due for some Daddy juice from Tony's lactating breasts, a new addition to his body which Gibbs seemed to love more then the triplets.

McGee was still freaking out about what he saw at the hospital, he had gone into a state much like the one Tony had been in when he found out his partner and his father had gotten hitched. Abby was dancing around the room, ignoring her slightly insane elf lord of a boy toy, ecstatic that she was now a aunt to three of the cutest babies alive.

In the world of the autopsy gremlin and Harry Potter look alike, Jimmy was upset about Nikki not having proper man on woman good ol' fashioned sex, she wouldn't even let him kiss her. Her denying him was beginning to frustrate him that he angrily said that they should have just stuck with cyber sex because he got more action. Nikki fully agreed and ran off to find a computer, the two going at it like a couple of cyber bunnies in between Jimmy's viewings of Charlie the Unicorn… Nikki thought it was pretty kinky when he would scream out 'We're going to Candy Mountain CHARLLLLLLIIIEEEE' with every cyber orgasm.

Vance, the only sane one in all of NCIS, had just sat down with his family for dinner when Ziva phoned him declaring that she was now the New director of NCIS and that if he had any problems with that she would set her devil child cannibal baby onto him and that freaky kid wouldn't hesitate to eat him if he disagreed with her mother. Leon was shocked to say the least, but his wife was deliriously happy, she had started to worry about him and the stress of being the director of a federal agency the day he came home with a nervous twitch.

…**..**

**Someone goes undercover in the next part.**


	9. Chapter 9

Part 9

Almost 3 months after the birth of the kids, and Ziva and Tony SR were running NCIS. Leading to the younger Tony almost having another breakdown in the middle of the bullpen. Luckily Gibbs was just in time to save his lover. Even now poor McGee still couldn't look the senior field agent in the eye without crying, horrendous flashbacks of the day Tony gave birth plaguing him.

Ziva had made sure that no one quit NCIS, if they tried she set their guard dog/child/demon/devil/whatever the hell else you call that evil spawn. They really should have that thing tested for rabies!

Tony SR now had a new Barbie Girl CD and was making sure everyone at NCIS was listening to it. Namely his son. The alarm system had now been replaced with the horrible bubblegum pop song playing on constant repeat.

Gibbs did have to admit though it made for a good interrogation technique for those few, stubborn suspects that didn't crack under the Gibbs glare. He just worried that one day some crackpot lawyer would try and claim it was cruel and unusual punishment… which even he had to agree it was.

While Ziva and her sugar daddy were planning world domination, the lives of Team Gibbs was slightly less insane, though the majority of them were either heading to earlier graves or padded rooms.

Jackson Gibbs had moved to DC to see more of his grandkids, and of course his son and son in-law, and upon his arrival in the town was promptly made babysitter for the triplets.

Gibbs and Abby were planning on how to get even with the DiNozzo's for kicking out the only sane person that NCIS had ever saw, well besides Kate Todd that is (who despite being a hardcore bitch while alive had somehow managed to make status of pure and holy angel with a single bullet).

Unknown to them Tony JR already had a plan in the works.

Jenny had been trying to go frog hunting down at the pond, which this co-pilot finds slightly odd because she could have sworn she was dead… but then again it has been a few months since she read this fic so who knows. Ex-director Tom Morrow had left homeland security to join the circus, because as we all know taming lions is a lot safer than protecting the U S of A from terrorists… or maybe he just likes wearing a leotard.

In the world of Tap Dancing Jimmy, the poor ME's assistant had sent a very XXX-Rated email to Nikki in hopes of wooing her but unfortunately it got sent to everyone else in NCIS as well, not to mention Fornell and his men over at the Hoover building. the only one who received it and that seemed to enjoy it was SR, free porn what more could you want if you were in his shoes that is. He had gotten one of the technicians in MTAC to put the photos up on the big screen in the secured are so that him and the Mrs. Could enjoy it while also watching their devil child sleep in it's cage, which just happened to be the same cage that SR used to put JR when he had to go out and scam someone.

While the JR in question was busy buying things for his big plan.

At the mental institution Fornell must have been planning something of his own, because all the doctors could hear was a diabolical laughter coming from room 109.

It was undercover time for Tony, unknown to everyone in NCIS even his husband. The head of the Navy was arriving at NCIS the next morning and they are going to get a show.

Oh yeah Tony JR was planning to do something to an unsuspecting Ziva and SR. He was going to make sure everyone knew that he was a DiNozzo…

….

TBC


End file.
